A few weeks ago, it was coconut that she spread all over the bedroom floor (Which, by the way, took two weeks to fully clean up). Last night, I sat at my computer working on singing notes and my facebook page, TKPG, when I went to check on what I thought was a sleeping toddler.

But, no.

Instead I found a very amused toddler smiling up at me between the worst mess imaginable. A full bucket-sized tub of margarine and her own poop *shudder* had been mixed together and worked into every surface of her bedroom. And I mean every surface, from her bedding and bed to her TV, DVD player, fold out couch, the walls, the floor and the floor mat. The worst thing though was the ball pit I had bought her to play with in her room. I had to wash EVERY.SINGLE.BALL.

So after this happened, I decided to leave everything washed and in a pile ready for when we move hose. (OMG, we are moving house! To a nice area! With a secluded yard and garden! ON WEDNESDAY! Eeeeeeee!)

I put Miss E to sleep in my bed tonight, and left her to watch a DVD. I went to check on her and found another fantastic surprise. This time it was Lube, and this this time it was on my expensive doona cover.

So my question to you, do you know if and how Lubricant (water based) comes out of satin? And how can I get the slimy feeling off everything in Miss E’s room? I have scrubbed and disinfected but things still feel a bit slimy.

Meh. :-/

Tonight I finished the last of my drawing orders. I have two beautiful doggy portraits and a portrait for a wedding I am attending tomorrow. I’ll post the wedding one later.

It was a great camping trip and it was nice to chill out with my parents without anyone else around. We certainly wore Miss E out!

I had to cut the trip short to go and get ready for the engagement party, but it was well worth it. A night of dancing and drinking and the first night away from Miss E in a long time. Ben and Sam LOVED their engagement present too!

So after that I spent some time looking for houses. I learned very quickly that there are a lot of judgemental people out there. I am a single mother, yes, but I also do full time Uni and I work as well as having my own small business which I just started. Why do I not make a good candidate to look after a house? My house is effing immaculate! With a toddler, that is one mean feat.

But, whatever. I think I have a house. (finally.) Fingers crossed, but not getting my hopes up until I am physically moving my furniture into it.

Geez there are lots of ‘finally’s’ in this post. Finally, lots of finally’s.

Over this week and last week I sarted training for a new job and launched my own small business called TK Portraits & Gifts.

Please check it out HERE on facebook

I am currently Tasmanian based and creating portraits and handmade gifts, particularly baby shower gifts. So if you live in Tasmanaia and are interested, or know a friend who may be, please pass on my details or refer them to my page. I also have a page for TKPG on here.

And lastly this week, I have began training to sing with my good friend Mickey in a singing duo. In three weeks time we begin performing at local places around Hobart.

I have to learn 45 songs before then. Eeeeek! But hey, it’s Money. And fun. And a job.

Bring.It.On!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I have completed my first week of a new diet and exercise program. I hopped onto the scales this morning to see how I had gone. I wasn’t expecting much from just one week, but I nearly fell over backwards when the scales told me I had put on a kilo! A KILO! Lies! The scales tell lies! Can I just put that down to me gaining some muscle?

I will. And I will soldier on.

I feel that this week is going to make or break my good mood and optimistic outlook for 2012. I found a beautiful house with a gorgeous enclosed balcony, gum trees in the yard, a big play area and hardwood floors, woodheating, three bedrooms and two bathrooms. I’ve fallen in love. I applied for the property to rent and am patiently impatiently waiting on a phone call. If I don’t get it I am going to be rather upset. I am excited about moving back to the country. Like, REALLY excited.

I have have also started singing training to sing in a band. Yes, a real live band. Exciting stuff.

Also this week, I am going to watch the 20/20 cricket match which is exciting because, 1) I have never been to a cricket match, especially a sold out one, and 2) It is on my bucket list so one more thing to cross off! On Saturday I am off to an engagement party for some close friends. I’m very excited about this because I will get to really relax and enjoy myself as Miss E is being babysat and with her father being MIA, I really need a break! Plus, if I get the house it will only be a short walk to the party and back.

I’m drawing a portrait of them for their engagement which I will post on here once it has been finished.

How could I not be happy with these two in my life?

I don’t generally do New Year’s Resolutions – I simply cannot be bothered and I usually don’t have anything that I need to change. I don’t smoke, hardly drink, have a career path set out, go to bed at a reasonable hour and am generally very organsed. If anyone asks me, I tell them that I plan to have a better year than the last.

But this year is different. (I’m not a cliché – it actually is!)

I’ve been through the worst of the worst and came out the other side, realising that I can actually achieve anything I want to. I’ve overcome depression and I am slowly weaning myself off the meds. I’m starting to feel like myself, the woman who I was five years ago.

So I’ve decided on a New Year’s Resolution, well, actually life a New Life Resolution! (Geez – more clichés!)

I am going to build myself up mentally and physically to the woman I was before that asshole man dragged me through the mud.

This means diet and exercise, taking care of my looks but also taking care of my body. So I went out and I bought myself a multivitamin and bought one for Miss E as well. I started a diet and exercise plan which I have stuck to for three days so far. (Well it’s a start, isn’t it? Isn’t it?) I have a weight loss shake formula full of weight loss aids such as Goji Berries as well. It tastes like pinebark, but it keeps me feeling full and being more regular. (Shitting more.)

For Christmas I got a set of scales and a lot of beauty products to pamper myself with. I’ve been through so much in the past year that I haven’t really taken care of myself and upon viewing recent pictures of me at the beach, I’m looking much like a beached whale.

So no, I’m not going to post the beached whale photos but I am going to keep them as motivation. Instead, here is our beach trip yesterday in the 30 degree heat. (For Tasmania that is near Tropical weather, Tasmanians don’t cope well with heat.)

I was so poor broke financially challenged that I couldn’t afford to buy any prepaid internet. (I refuse to have a plan after being screwed over by two different internet companies. I know exactly how much 10GB is and that I definitely did not use that much!)

It is a daily struggle to get through life with little money, but we manage. We really do. I often get self satisfaction out of budgeting each pay carefully every fortnight so that E and myself can buy a treat or something for the house.

So, catch up.

(Imagine you and I with a cup of coffee and some Tim Tams.)

(OhMyGod I really want some Tim Tams right now.)

(I’m off to seach the cupboard.)

Three weeks ago I got very sick. I was due for a Pap Smear so I headed off to the doctor. I had swollen glands and some strange spots which I later found were human papillomavirus (HPV).

This causes Cervical Cancer.

My Pap Smear was abnormal and I was told I was at high risk of having Cancer.

*Insert Panic*

Three Weeks later, (after Christmas) I received my results, no Cancer…BUT, I have a 50/50 chance of developing Cancer and have to have a Pap Smear every 12 months. Everyone who I’ve told seems to think this is great news, I try to be positive but I really don’t like the look of the 50/50 part.

Meh.

I wished I had gone and received the Cervical Cancer Vaccine.

Apart from that everything has been somewhat normal. (Which I like.)

Christmas was very normal. (Which I REALLY like.)

New Years is going to consist of me, My partner and our two girls because, hey, we are parents so won’t be ‘pissin’ it up’. Instead we are going to a few parties EARLY and SOBER then hopefully watching the fireworks in town ay midnight then going home to hit the hay.

Sounds good to me!

The last few months have been hell, one thing after another. I’m suffering from nightmares and barely sleep or eat. The stress of Uni kept on keeping on through August and September. Somewhere in the middle of it I switched my major and from the beginning of next year I will be doing a Primary School specialisation.

The week of my birthday, everything went downhill. N broke into my house the morning of my birthday and bashed my new partner and hit me as well. Police, forensics, hospital, one big blur of things I did not want to spend my birthday doing. The rest of the day didn’t get much better with me dropping my phone in the toilet, losing my friends in town and coming home to smashed glass all over the front of my house.

I dropped E off as usual at daycare Monday morning, only to find that N had picked her up and didn’t want to return her. I had to collect her from his house and after copping a mountain of abuse I took her home. I felt alone and scared and so confused as to what to do with my little lady. I received phonecalls from family violence counsellors and I was less than cooperative. I didn’t need counselling, I needed solutions.

A week later, I had met with family relationships and they were referring me onto a lawyer. All I wanted was an order so that N couldn’t take E whenever he pleased without my prior consent. I have strong routines for Miss E and I and due to the family violence order, N and I aren’t allowed near each other which makes things so difficult.

So last weekend I dropped E off to N’s house and had someone else take her inside. I specified to him in a letter to do the right thing and let me collect her Sunday afternoon and luckily for me he did. During the weekend I went to a party with my new partner. Walking home from the party, we were assaulted by a drunken guy. We spent the night in hospital, him with a broken nose and me with a swollen face and cuts everywhere.

This started the nightmares.

Since then I reversed my car into a pole and after meeting with a lawyer yesterday and being advised to go for full custody, I’m feeling like crap. My partner and I are on edge, not sure if we can stay together but still seeing each other.

The little princess is the only thing keeping me going at the moment.

The morning snuggles with the ‘I love you mummy, can you get up and make me weetbix?’ is enough to get me through each day.

I honestly don’t have anything interesting to talk about. My life is back on track, since October last year life has improved 100%. The depression is gone and I can finally get up in the morning with enough energy to cook, clean, do my uni work and run around after MM and our puppy Billie. I feel happy most of the time and I even crack jokes again. I don’t remember being this happy since I was in high school.

A few months back, I got a car. I’ve nearly paid my Dad back for that and in the meantime I have paid off one of the debts N left me with. Two to go…But my financial situation is starting to look great. By July I may be able to start saving money, do you know how excited I am about that? From being so heavily in debt because of someone else and soon I may be able to start saving money, I’m so happy!

I have all of the furniture I need for my house and MM and I are living comfortably. I’ve been budgeting carefully and cooking filling meals using lots of vegies and rice. We have been eating very healthy food (the eating disorder seems like a distant memory now…) and I feel healthier.

Last night I finished my last assignment for Uni until July. Now I have two weeks holidays, then prac (off to a school to be a pre-service teacher! Yiiiieeewww!) and then five weeks holiday. In my holidays I plan to work on my garden and get it finally looking good. I also need to put in a fence for the dog.

I guess now that it’s official I can talk about my new man too. He is amazing, I’ll just refer to him as M. He makes me smile, we laugh and I love being around him. From what I can tell he’s pretty into me too and loves MM and Billie Dog. So hopefully this goes well. He is a lot older than me but I like that, I know that a lot of guys my age don’t seem to want the same things I do out of life, I think I’m an old soul.

So that’s me. I may blog again and I may not. I’m so happy right now in life that I don’t feel that I need to do anyhting. I seem to have a social life now too! :-O

Day One: A picture of yourself with 10 facts:

10 Facts About Me:

1. I’m a virgo, yep! A fussy, organised bitch! My house is immaculate and I’m slightly OCD with every aspect of my life. I like to write lists and I like to plan.
2. I was attacked by a dog when I was 4, now scared for life. I am literally terrified of dogs I don’t know and will sit in the car if it means I don’t have to greet one.
3. I’m trained as a barista and pool lifeguard! I quit my job where I was making coffees in a bakery and when I was trained as a lifeguard I was only sixteen and too young to get a job apparently…I have also worked in a takeaway shop and a call centre.
4. I hate racism and discrimination…it disgusts me. When anybody starts talking in a discriminatory manner, I instantly lose all respect for them. We are all people!
5. I’m currently doing a Master’s Degree in Teaching. I’m very sick and tired of it, but trudging through. Next year will be my seventh year at Uni.
6. I really want to travel to Finland My mum came from Finland and they have a big music and art culture which I would love to explore!
7. I’ve been to every state/territory in Australia. Except WA. I forgot about that when I posted it on facebook.
8. I love Horror movies and comedies…I like to laugh or be scared! I’ve been watchign horror movies since I was a kid. I’m pretty sure that if I was in a horror movie that I would be the one shouting ‘grab a knife! Don’t run up the stairs! Don’t split up! Whatever the noise is, DON’T investigate it!’
9. I can make my eyes move in opposite directions It’s a cool freaky party trick and never fails to impress.
10. My daughter Emily was born a week after I finished my Batchelor of Fine Arts. (During Exams!) My life drawing class had this ongoing bet as to how long I would last before I ‘popped’. Unfortunately, I was still there for the last class trying to draw on an upright easel with a big belly in the way!

So that’s me. Now I’m going back to the Uni homework that I was avoiding to write this post…

The weather is totally shitty today…it was okay yesterday but today I’m feeling irritable and it is annoying me. I had to pick MM up this morning from her father’s house…he promised to pay for her nappies, wipes, formula, food… but when I got there he had no money. *sigh* another fortnight living off rice.

He also arranges to take her so that I have to pick her up in the morning and can conveniently drive him to work (which is on my way home.) I’m over him and his crap. He makes me so mad because I love him so much but he still acts like a child.

What am I meant to do?

MM is being a traditional example of the ‘terrible twos.’ She turns two in May, and even though she is a smart and generally happy girl, she acts up all the time. She hits, bites, scratches, kicks. I’ve tried everything to make her stop, even pretending to cry. (Which gets me a hug.) I’m pleased with her development though, she seems to be coming along in leaps and bounds which is awesome.

She speaks full sentences now, even if some of the words don’t make a lot of sense. For example;

(Fried rice she spilled on the couch)

Me: ‘What is this?’

MM: ‘Ooh…a naughty mess.’

Me: ‘Can you clean it up?’

MM: ‘Yes…..Uhhhh….Where the bowl goed? I put in the bowl.’

(Searches for and locates empty bowl. Scoops rice into bowl and wipes over the couch with her sleeve.)

MM: ‘All clean mmmy?’

Me: ‘Yes Babe! Good girl.’

She is a lovely little girl, just very independent and dominant over everyone. Not a typical Gemini.

On the other hand, I’m doing really well with Uni despite not being able to sleep at night. I’m actually looking forward to prac work experience in May, it should be fun going into the classroom and doing some hands on stuff!

‘How can everyday jobs make you so exhausted?’

I have been out today, and I just want to flop on the couch. But that’s not going to happen because I have housework to do, going out for tea, then off to pick MM up from her daddy’s place.

Woke up with the PERIOD FROM HELL.

*Cue horror movie music.*

I started the day with me realizing at 8:00am that there was no food in the house for MM to take to daycare. So we rushed down to the supermarket and shopped like madwomen. We brought the things home and I packed her lunchbox, we had a shower, did our hair, got dressed and she was ready.

*Cue crampy, crampy pain and panadol.*

Then MM’s daycarer called me and told me that her children had gastro so no daycare today. I had MM packed up and ready to go so I could go and do my groceries. *Grrr*

Then N called me. He wanted me to drive him up to woop woop to find his phone which he has lost…so we drove halfway across the state then up and down the road where he had been in the car with his friends last night, (drunk) and found no phone. We decided to take MM to the park for a play and she didn’t want to leave.

*Cue screaming and kicking and strangers shaking their heads as we carried her back to the car.*

*More Grrrrr*

*More crampy, crampy pain.*

Then I dropped N home and asked him to have MM for the day while I went out because I had lots to do. He whinged and moaned but one death stare from me and he carried her and her bag inside the house.

I went to the post office to pay two bills, then I went to update my address on my license and submit a birth certificate for MM. Then I went op shopping and decided to buy myself a few things. I saw my best friend J at the shops so talked to her for awhile. Then I bought phone credit and went to the laundromat.

*Worst crampy, crampy pain. Bit my lip and curled into a ball on the seat.*

I sat and played with my phone while my washing was in the machine, then I drove home and hung it out. I drove back down to the shops, grabbed a prescription for my happy pills (Which by this time I wanted to swallow the whole packet of) and did my groceries.

I’m meticulous at budgeting and bargain hunting, so groceries take me a long time. Usually a fortnight shop costs me around $60. Today, however it somehow cost me $100. Then I went to chickenfeed and bought a few kitchen utensils that I did not have.

I then got a text from a friend. Apparently we are going out for dinner tonight. I really, really don’t feel like doing anything but curling up into a ball on the couch at this point and eating chocolate.

*Cue more crampy pain and feeling like ripping people’s heads off when they get in my way.*

I went home, unpacked the groceries and emptied the boot of my car as I had decided to ask N to mow my lawn for me since he hasn’t done anything all day, owes me money and I drove him around this morning.

I then headed around to N’s place and was greeted by MM. N was laying on the couch whinging that he wanted to sleep and that MM wanted her dummy. I asked him to mow my lawn. He said no.

He who has been doing nothing all day!!!!!!!

I asked him if he could have MM right up until I finished dinner tonight, then I would come and get her.

Another grumble.

Another death stare.

Another submission.

So now I’m home, I have all of my housework ahead of me, then I have to get ready to head out for dinner.

THEN I can curl up. In a ball. On the couch. And eat chocolate. and hope that no fucker contacts me for a week!